listening to the yascast with ellie and hera and am at the point where they're talking about snowdin
made me sort of realize the dissonance between the experience as a user and as an admin

a lot of people say i shut down the instance because of Ongoing Events, in fact that seems to be the established truth when in reality iunno man snowdin fucking sucked

it didn't have "no racism issues", it wasn't "targeted harrassment", no it had a lot of well deserved animosity and history attached to it that wasn't fixed until the very very end if even

i was a disqordia apologist for like. Half of snowdin's life. and the other half was "i'm too scared to block them because drama makes my blood pressure go high :("

i hosted four? five? people who would later be revealed as abusers or paraphiles or both, and the fact that the space was even vaguely welcoming to them is a deep-rooted issue that can't be fixed except by making major upsetting changes that i only did like a month
before i shut down snowdin

snowdin was hosted for half a year by an edgy repressed child and for half a year by a slightly less-repressed adult who now had to steer the ship MASSIVELY in a good direction.

i look at it in a much better light right now than i did back when i sunset it but my main point is

if you think snowdin had no issues, you're either looking at it with nostalgia glasses, or are the type of person who made me shut it down.

to be clear i'm over most of this. it's been almost a year.
what upsets me is the over defensive fanbase that keeps saying false things in what is ostensibly my name