im sorry i Cant write alt text for this even copy and pasting it in makes me feel so fucking gross

this shit is rlly scary to talk abt and i was gonna stay silent unless i had reason to beleive anyone was in danger , but with things have played out i feel i can get this off my chest - nano engaged in sexual roleplay with me when i was 16 and they were 20 . this wasnt a headmate situation either - this was directly nano . nano directly talked to me , i directly addressed them by name , there was no headmate fronting here . This was nano .

the next three paragraphs correspond to the screenshots , in order .

i had confided in a friend about what had happened . i felt immensely guilty at the time because i was the one to initiate it and thats part of why ive kept it to myself for so long , i felt like i was responsible for nano doing this shit with me . this friend told me that nano had been doing the same thing with her , but supposedly had moved past it all . i was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of confronting nano but with them still interacting with me constantly , i had to eventually . it was too mentally taxxing to not .

i confronted nano , explained my mental situation , and asked for an apology . looking back , i very much regret doing this . i was only 16 , and i kept shifting the blame off of nano and onto other things because i didnt want to face the reality that i had been groomed again . it happened to me when i was 15 and i was so so scared of it happening again . i was far too kind in my initial dm and it does not reflect my current thoughts .

while at the time , nano's apology felt sincere , i still never stopped being afraid of them . since that day ive remained mutuals with them and interacted with them , and while some may point to this and say , "you still talked to them ! you cant have been that badly affected !" , i'd like to give more context about how i deal with situations . i am incredibly conflict averse and usually try and do whatever i can to avoid it . i'm also very susceptible to "fawning" - when victims activley interact with their abuser for fear of what'll happen if they don't , as a way to try and cope and make the abuser seem less scary to them , etc . that's what i was doing .

recently , over the last months , i had began thinking of going public with this . the more i read my own message to nano the more i see just how much i downplayed what had happened to me . the more i read nano's response the more the wording irks me - the use of the phrase "i couldn't hurt a fly" specifically cuts deep . because i should've known thats not true . nano Could and Did hurt people ! like me ! and in my own mind i had began to realize that no matter what instigated it , nano was still more than willing to participate in conversation of fetishes and kinks , and activley enjoyed participating in sexual roleplay with a 16 year old . it was on them to stop that from happening . not on me .

there were quite a few reasons i never spoke up about this , one being how long it took me to realize that i shouldve never even taken that apology in the first place , but one big reason is that i had seen how nano reacts to stuff like this being public . while i Hate what they did to me , i do not want someone's suicide on my hands , and seeing how volatile nano was at times scared me . and if it wasnt going to be threats of them committing suicide , i was shit scared of nano leaking all of the dms of sexual shit i said at 16 . sure , there's nothing directly horrible or gross and i didnt fear that id get judged and shunned by my friends because of something i was into , but it was just such and embarassing thought . I haven't done anything similar to that kind of roleplay Since this happened , and everytime i look back at it i cringe and wince . it's incredibly scary to know i could have my privacy breached , intimate details exposed , and that i could be embarrassed like that .

i had decided in my mind that i wouldnt be public about this unless it was confirmed to me that nano had not in fact stopped this predatory behaviour . today's events couldnt say that any more clearly . im sorry for any spelling mistakes left in here , i frantically wrote this at 1am on my phone . i need to move past all of this .

ive excluded any direct screenshots of me or nano saying anything sexual , because nano admits to having sone this with me in the third screenshot . though , for clarity's sake , i will reply with a few messages of nano being flirtatious and sexual towards me .

chuzzle just called me a slur